Then There Was Him
by OtakuTayZay100
Summary: Kristoff is your average college student who's simply trying to get through life as smoothly as possible...then Hans becomes his roommate. AU. Rated T for foul language.
1. Can't Stand His Ass

(A/N: HI READERS! AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M NOT DEAD YET :D. Just so we're clear, I haven't given up on ANY of my stories, and for my fellow anime lovers, you'll have to wait for those stories to be updated. See, I have this thing called an _obsession, _and _one_ of my obsessions wound up leading me to watch Tangled, Brave, Wreck-It Ralph, Frozen, and How to Train Your Dragon 2 in one sitting... I do not reccommend this to ANYONE, by the way.

Thus, that somehow randomly led me to start this Frozen AU fanfic.

So, yeah. Rest assured, updates for my other stories are sure to come, but please enjoy whatever you wish until then.

TayZay out!)

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><p><strong>(Kristoff's POV)<strong>

College isn't so bad. It's always had its perks. The parties I go to, the friends I make, and the classes I get to take are just a few of many.

One of them, however, isn't having a roommate. Usually, I'm stuck with some sex addict or a total burnout, but no. This year, I'm rooming with a ridiculously vain male model. Now, normally, I find myself shockingly tolerant with the cocky, self-loving type of douchebags. _He_, however, is the exception, and it's all because he's dating this _really amazing_ girl who he doesn't even deserve to be with in the first place. It's really a shame that nobody else sees this to be true. Maybe if they did, then she would leave him.

God, who am I kidding? He's a freaking _model_. Of _course_ she wouldn't leave him.

"Hey, Kristoff."

Speak of the devil... "What."

"Well, someone sounds like they got up on the wrong side of the bunkbed. What's up with you, grumpy pants?"

I don't even try to mask my disgust. "Don't talk to me like we're brothers, Hans."

He simply chuckles and responds with, "Believe me, Bjorgman, that's not even _remotely close_ to the type of talking I do with my _real_ brothers."

As if I cared either way. "What do you want?"

The redhead leans slightly to take a look at my reflection for a change. An abrupt laugh escapes his lips. "I just wanted to let you know that you look like shit this morning. May wanna get some more hours of sleep in before you grace the world with a face like _that_." Just as I'm about ready to show him how pissed off I really was, he adds, "Oh, wait, there's nothing you can do to cure _ugly_." He laughs even harder at his own joke.

I shove his face away from mine. "Fuck off."

"Oh, c'mon, Kris. You're not that bad-looking. You're just not me."

I glance back long enough to see Hans checking himself out in the mirror...again. Even though I hate him more than anyone else breathing on the planet, I can't help but agree with him on that last statement. He gets paid just for looking like...well, Hans. The only thing I get paid for is piercing and inking somebody's skin. While it's a pretty well-endowed job, it's nowhere near as impressive as _his_ income. Still, it's not like I'm ever going to admit that to his face.

"Don't you have a class to go to?" _Seriously._

His eyes never look away from his own reflection. "All of my hours are open for me, which means I get to go on a hot date with Anna tonight."

Jesus Christ, I wish this guy would just go freeze in a tundra. Why do we happen to have the same day off? And why does he constantly feel the need to tell me about his plans with her?

Coincidence? I think _not_!

"What about you, man? What're you up to for the day?" He finally glances my way, but only for a millisecond.

What does he care? It's not like knowing what I intend to do will improve or worsen his schedule. He seldom bothers to know about others and their lives, unless it involves him.

"Wait, don't tell me," he speaks up. "You'll be sticking around, watching Netflix by yourself, right?"

If he's not a dick, I sure as hell don't know who is.

"No," I growl back. "I'll be watching Netflix with my friends."

Hans has the nerve to snort, and even _that_ doesn't sound ugly. "What friends? You mean that stupid reindeer of yours back home, whom you pay your poor grandmother to watch? How the hell does someone as broke as you manage to invest in a creature like that, anyways?"

His attention finally focuses back on none other than himself, so I don't bother responding to that. First off, I don't have a grandmother, let alone parents—biologically speaking, that is. I was adopted at a fairly young age and had been gifted with a reindeer, whom I named Sven. Second, he's no longer with me, but there's no point in telling that to someone who doesn't care. Lastly, setting up for the funeral didn't take a whole lot out of my bank account, anyways, considering I was the only ones who'd shown up. All of this being stated, everything Hans just said made no sense whatsoever.

Well, except for the friend part. When it comes to social life, I don't have much of one; therefore, I lied about watching Netflix with anybody. In fact, my original plans were to sleep in. As much as I hate to admit it, the guy was right. I woke up looking like a hot mess. There's no denying that. Besides, I'm a bit of an insomniac, so it's not as if it's entirely easy for me to get some shuteye at night. Again—it's not like he needs to know any of this, though.

There's a rather energetic knock on the door. As Hans gets up to answer it, I already know who it is. He swings open the big slab of wood and there, in the doorway, stands Anna. Her smile shines so bright that it's almost blinding. Her cheeks are tinted with a little bit of pink from the cold, but it actually winds up making her look cuter than she already is.

See, that's the thing that baffles me about their relationship. While Hans is movie-star hot (did I _really_ just think that?), Anna is just as I described her—cute. Why doesn't he go for someone more of his caliber when it comes to physicality? Not that I'm minimizing her looks in any way, it's just something that's been boggling my mind for a while now. But, seriously, Hans can have any girl he wants, yet he chooses this sweet, innocent, naïve freshman...and for what? Ask me, I say that's the sickest shit a grown man could do, especially with a personality as hideous as his.

The thing is, Anna doesn't _know_ the real Hans. She only sees what he wants her to, and even _that's_ not enough. Remember what I said: this guy can have any girl he wants...just because he's dating Anna doesn't mean she's the only girl he's seeing.

I mean, technically, he's not seeing anyone else. He's trying to, but is failing miserably. The reason why is because the other woman is Anna's sister. I know the truth—Hans is merely dating Anna just to get at her sister. Really let this sink in, folks. You'll know it when you see it. Single men tell no lies.

Now, it's truly a _miracle_ that this older sister of Anna's isn't practically falling at Hans' feet, but I certainly give her props for _not_ doing just that.

"Hey, sweetie!" Hans chirps in that all-too cheerful tone of his.

"Hi," she replies and giggles as she gets on her tiptoes to kiss him. _Ugh._

The egocentric model turns to the side so that I am in view of the young woman. "Anna, you've met my roommate Kristoff before, haven't you?"

She looks up at him before turning her focus onto me. "I have not." Her thousand-watt smile returns. "Hello."

"Hey," is all I can say in order to keep my cool.

Hans rolls his eyes so only I can see before he discreetly shoos his girlfriend out the door, following close behind her. I am left alone in the silent dorm shortly after.

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><p>(ENDING AN: Dear readers... I sincerely apologize for the great amount of dialogue in the beginning. D: hope you enjoyed this first chapter anyways!)


	2. Not a Fan of His Bullshit

**(A/N: HEY GUYS! Don't know if any of you find my pointless rambling in the author's note...or if anyone ever actually reads these...but I had to delete a whole lot that was originally here, simply because I realized that it was, indeed, pointless rambles. Not that I don't do that on a daily basis, though. I can definitely relate to Anna whenever she did that in the movie...**

**Anyways! I now give you chapter two! :D)**

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><p>I haven't even been keeping track of the time, but I don't have to look at the clock by my bed or check my phone to see that it's way past curfew. Then again, it isn't ever considered unusual for any college students to leave campus for an extended amount of hours. Still...what could those two be doing that would lead them to be gone this long?<p>

Ugh, never mind. It's probably best that I don't think about it. The main thing is that I know they'll come back eventually.

There's a knock on the door, only for it to be swung open before I even get the chance to see who it is. Turns out that it's just Hans and Anna. She has her lousy excuse for a boyfriend slung over her shoulder as she stands in the doorway. I raise an eyebrow towards the position, but say nothing about it, as I wait for her to explain what's already obvious in my eyes.

"Um, hey, Kristoff... S-sorry to bother you like this..." _When will anything that this girl does ever bother me?_ _Oh, wait, dating Hans is a first..._ "But he had to come back since he has play practice this morning. Can't afford to skip out on that, y'know? Oh! N-not that I'm minimizing anything that you have in the morning! Like I said, I'm really sorry to wake you up with this trivial situation, I just-"

I interrupt her before she gets too embarrassed. "Anna. It's fine. Really. I've dealt with an intoxicated Hans before." Not exactly sure why I used that word. Probably to sound somewhat intelligent. "I'll take it from here."

Relief washes over her expression as she hands me the drunken model. "Thank you so much. I owe you one."

I let out a soft chuckle as I take his burden from her. "Trust me, you don't owe me a thing. Just worry about you, okay?"

"Sure!" She replied cheerily. "Have a good night's rest, Kristoff."

God, it feel weird hearing my name come from her mouth, but it's a good weird. Her friendliness earns a smile from me. "You, too, Anna."

She giggles and walks off to her own dorm. Meanwhile, I shut the door and start walking over to my bunk bed, leaving Hans' passed out body on the floor. As soon as I settle back under my blanket once more, he snorts and sits up straight.

"Where am I?!"

"Back in our dorm," I respond to his confused, wide-eyed demeanor.

"Wha... Where's Anna?"

Now, hearing her name come from _his_ mouth is what irks me. "Back in her own dorm. Why do you care? You probably got drunk and started hitting on all the other women around you."

He throws a glare at me, though it's not very menacing due to the state that he's in. "I'll have you know, smartass, that we didn't go anywhere where the women outshone my girlfriend by any means. All we did was have dinner." The last part of that sentence and the way he stated it sounded dignified and proud.

"Oh, really? Then why'd you come back so drunk off your ass to the point of unconsciousness?" Triumph washes over me when I don't receive a reply. "That's what I thought. You may be a model, but I'm pretty sure that your taste in where you guys go on dates isn't exactly as classy as your fraud personality."

He then jumps up and screams, "FRAUD?! Why, you **fuckwad**!" Really? _That's_ the best he can do? "Nothing about me is fake. Everything that I do, I do it for a reason."

I can't help but scoff. "Like chasing after your girlfriend's older sister?"

His eyes narrow my way. "Who the hell told you?"

"Uh, you did. Just now." His face flushes and I smirk bitterly. "Yeah, Hans. Everything you do, I'm sure you do it for a reason. Any of it just so happens to only benefit you, though."

Before he can come back with any more insults or useless denial, I roll over on my side and fall asleep.

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><p>I feel like as soon as I shut my eyes, the sun decides to rise. My damn roommate yanks up the blinds, leading me to nearly <em>go<em> blind. I let out an enraged cry as I wind up tumbling out of bed.

"Rise and shine, Bjorgman. Another beautiful day awaits."

God, I really do hate his ass.

He grabs my blanket and yanks it out from under me. In return, I take a firm grasp of his t-shirt and take him down to the floor as if we were wrestling. Instead of worsening the violent scene, I end it on a lighter note by tossing one of my pillows at him. Hans bursts into laughter and throws it back at me. I respond by standing back up and kicking it towards him. The redhead smirks as he rises to his feet as well. The two of us start getting ready for class.

As I roll some deodorant on, my roommate asks, "So, how's a thick-headed football player like you holding up in a lecture class like Health?"

"I'm doing just fine in all of my classes," I answer with a sneer. "Not sure if the same goes for a partygoer such as yourself."

Hans chuckles to himself. "Even if I was doing poorly, I always win the teachers over with my good looks."

"How ironic that all of your professors happen to be female," I mumble to myself.

He pointedly chooses not to respond. I know _exactly_ how he gets straight As in all his classes. Everyone does—except his girlfriend, that is.

God, she's so sweet and innocent. Why is she going out with someone like him? Does she have her own selfish reasons as well, or is she really that naïve to believe that something he's not? How has her sister not said anything yet? Even if she did, would Anna believe her word over Hans'?

"Uh oh, you're thinking," the bastard speaks up, interrupting my train of silent questioning. "That can't be good."

I impulsively give a hard shove to his chest and step towards him until he's backed up against the wall. His eyes become daggers as he clenches his fists. Hans isn't necessarily a pussy, but he's never exactly been man enough to try and take me on, either.

"What the hell is your problem?!" He demands.

"You," I growl. "Since you stepped through this dorm and claimed the top bunk before I could even get a word in, then attempted to wash away my anger with smooth talk, assuming-for whatever reason-that I swung that way. The moment you started dating the girl that you knew I had my eyes on, it's always been you. You have been and always will be my problem until graduation."

Hans stared at me with a rather amused expression on his face. "Really? You're jealous that I'm dating a train wreck like her?"

"Don't call her that."

"Well, I'm not gonna call her what she _isn't_, Kristoff, and that's stable. Honestly, she's nothing without me. The girl has said it herself. In case you haven't noticed, Anna is desperate for love. She'd even go out with you if she had the chance, as long as it meant being with somebody. Now, I'm sure she isn't as stupid as I make her out to be. Say that she _does_ know that I'm hitting on Elsa behind her back. Even if she does, she's not highlighting on it. Not once has she ever touched on the subject. That's how much she's willing to hold on, even if it hurts her. She thinks that as long as we don't talk about the elephant in the room, we'll actually last."

If it's one thing Hans is good at, it's revising a person's thoughts, all because of how he talks and looks. That, however, only works on a specific group of people. I am not the type to fall victim to his psychological manipulation. Ask me, I genuinely haven't the slightest clue as to why Anna is with him, but it can't possibly be out of desperation. Any girl that I know who hooks up with a male model typically does it because they're superficial, but not her. She must really love Hans to stay with him, despite what he's putting her through.

Or maybe...she really _is_ desperate. Agh, no! What am I thinking? This is exactly what he wants me to believe! I won't give in. I have a mind of my own. What he's saying is all opinion, _not_ fact.

"It's okay," he says. "You don't have to think on it too much. Just let it marinate."

That's the last thing he says before walking out the door.

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><p><strong>(AN: I apologize for the excessive amount of dialogue in this one. I know at least one of you have come here simply because you ****_know_**** that Hans wants Elsa. Fret not, my friend. Her appearance will arrive sooner than you think, like...perhaps next chapter, maybe. Sorry if this one seemed shorter as well. I hope you guys like it still, and I promise that I'll update more often that I have been.**

**See you guys next time!)**


	3. Don't Say I Didn't Give You a Heads Up

**(A/N: Hey, guys! So, for the record, if you're expecting this to be an actual chapter...you'd be dead wrong.**

**This is merely just an AN to let you all know: a) what will NOT be taking place in this story, and b) that I do apologize for only updating twice my entire break so far...I procrastinate...and get distracted easily.**

**Sadly, I go back to school the day after tomorrow. That leaves me a decent amount of time to finish plotting for this story, but not quite. I've been battling with myself about what I do and don't want to take place in this fanfic, but here's a warning list just to throw out there of what I WON'T let happen in this very fanfic (really just dealing with shippings):**

**1) NO HELSA!**

**2) NO KRISTELSA, OR ELSTOFF, OR WHATEVER YOU GUYS LABEL KRISTOFF x ELSA!**

**3) NO YAOI, YURI, OR INCEST!**

**Obviously, most of my readers have a good grip on what type of writer I have chosen to be on here, based off my bio and either my current or previous work.**

**Know that I basically ship Elsa with a lot of other characters, for probably no good reason except my curiosity and open-mindedness towards these new discoveries. They're all crack ships in my eyes, anyways, and I honestly take very little of them seriously...okay, maybe a select few, but that's it!**

**In here, Hans WANTS Elsa. This does not mean he will HAVE her. If you were expecting or assuming this to be the case, then I am sorry to say that you are sorely mistaken. (He's a complete dick in this, anyways, why would she want someone like that in her life? It's bad enough that Anna currently does).**

**I love Kristoff...and I love Elsa...and I love the two together. But he likes Anna in this.**

**Again, love me some yaoi, yuri is something I enjoy from time to time, and I can't lie, I don't mind incest in certain fandoms that I've hopped in and out of; however, once again, it's not taking place here.**

**If these reasons do not measure up to your standards, then this may or may not be the right place for you.**

**It is not truly my place to advocate or boycott my own fanfictions, but I do like to warn my readers what they will and won't get into, just so I myself have a strong grasp on what I will either alter or keep the same.**

**Okay. I think that's all I've got to announce for now. Even though this may seem like a lot of cancellation from the story, it doesn't mean I won't allow any of it to take place in my other ones (because I totally just might...).**

**Happy belated holidays, and farewell for now! :D)**


	4. I Guess We're All Freaks

**(A/N: Hey, guys! Okay, so I know that last chapter, I said that there wouldn't be any slash pairings-guy x guy, girl x girl-or Helsa or KristElsa/Elstoff-whatever y'all call those two together-but seeing as how this chapter turned out, and even how future ones will turn out, the crack shipping wars will probably rage on, regardless of what I insist or persuade.**

**Do what you will –insert evil grin-)**

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><p>I'm woken up by my phone early in the morning. I groan and smack my hand down, thinking that it's my alarm going off. When it doesn't shut up, my brain tells me that it's probably a call or text message. I sit up in bed and let out a groan as I check to see what's up.<p>

_WAKE UP, BJORGMAN! I'VE CALLED AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES! YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF BED..._

A lovely text from my best friend, Elsa. Jesus, she's like a nagging mother (who cusses). Sadly, she's the one who always manages to rouse me awake every morning. See, like Anna, I registered pretty late, so I wound up getting the shitty classes that start early in the morning, and even more classes that wind up ending late in the evening, almost where nighttime hits. I don't really have enough stamina to get through the day, so I basically rely on Elsa for just about everything.

_KRISTOFF!_

The phone starts to ring the obnoxious ringtone that I set specifically for her. My god, she's relentless. I quickly pick it up before it can wake Hans.

"What."

"Good morning," a very well-acted seductive voice replies on the other end.

"Oh, it's morning alright, but it's not a good one."

I hear another giggle in the background. She must have me on speaker. Wait... That means that Anna's the one giggling. She just laughed at something I said!

"Hi, Kristoff!" Said redhead exclaims eagerly.

"Hey," I respond in a quieter tone.

I can't believe she even remembers my name, let alone sounds so happy to hear my voice. Wait, no. Stop it. She's just being nice, that's all. Anna is with Hans, not me. There shouldn't be any reason why she'd ever regard me as anyone other than: a) her boyfriend's roommate, and b) her sister's best friend. Get it together, man, don't be delusional.

"We've got Health coming up," Elsa continues to speak. "You're already falling behind on that. Are you out of bed yet?!"

"No."

"Well, get up!" She demands. "It's only eight steps to the bathroom, unless you don't even bother freshening up in the morning." I overhear Anna's little "gross" in the background. "C'mon, you've got fifteen minutes! Hop to it!"

"My god, Elsa, ALRIGHT!" God, she can be annoying as hell sometimes.

"The hell, man, shut the fuck up," I hear Hans grumble above me. I grab my boot off the ground and toss it up over the wooden ledge.

"You little bitch!" He suddenly swings over the ledge and lands on the floor. He then tackles me.

"Dude, get the fuck off!"

The two of us are wrestling-though Hans is a bit more playful about it, making me more irritated with him-while Elsa and Anna are still on the phone.

"Are you two getting it on?" Elsa cries. "Hang on, don't stop, I'm coming over!"

The call ends. Christ, I wonder if that girl is ever going to stop mocking me... Meanwhile, I'm left to deal with this fuckery before this douche actually tries to perform the very act that she's coming over to see. Why am I always surrounded by weirdos? Hell, at least they keep my life entertaining.

The door, which had already been left unlocked (probably no thanks to my idiotic roommate), bursts open to reveal both a grinning Elsa and a blushing Anna. I shove Hans off of me and wind up stumbling out of bed at the same time.

"Aw," the platinum blonde whines. "I was hoping that there'd be some guy-on-guy action going on."

"In your dreams," I mumble as I pull on some sweatpants. Anna respectively had her eyes covered beforehand, but it's not as if she hasn't seen a man in his boxers before. If she hasn't...then that's just adorable.

"Hey, babe!" Hans exclaims, making it seem like he really is happy to see her. "How're you?"

"I'm wonderful, now that I'm with you!" Anna replies with sincere happiness. She throws her arms around his neck and plants a kiss on his lips. I fight the urge to vomit. "You ready for that test today?"

Elsa, Hans, and I look at Anna incredulously. "TEST?!"

She looks at us with an equal amount of confusion. "Yeah. Y'know, the one that our teacher told us would take place right after Christmas break?" We only continue to gape at her. "I guess you guys really don't remember." She then turns to her sister. "Elsa, I was reminding you about it every day and you said 'it was all taken care of.' What happened?"

The older sibling sighs and rubs a hand down her face. "Honestly, I was just saying that to get you to stop pestering me." Anna cutely pouts at her. "Sorry..."

The freshman scholar then faces her boyfriend. "Your turn." He gulps and chuckles awkwardly. "I was talking about it, like, three or four of the times that we went out together. Were you just tuning me out, too?"

Hans wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her close to him. Ugh. "Of course not, sweetie. I meant to do it. Honestly, I did. You were just in my head whenever I sat down and tried to."

Oh, please. He means Elsa was in his head. What a jerkoff.

"Aww," she gushes and hugs him firmly. "I love you, Hans."

He smiles and rests his head atop hers. "And I love you."

"Disgusting," Elsa blurts out, thought I know she does it intentionally. "Class is in five minutes. Let's go, Kris." She grabs my wrist and pulls me out the door, leaving the lovebirds to themselves. She then says, once out of earshot, "I can't stand those two together."

"No, shit? I always thought you were jealous of your sister." The sarcasm earns me a hard punch in the arm. "Oh, c'mon. You mean to tell me you haven't once fantasized about being with the perfection that is Hans?" I bat my eyelashes her way to spice up the rhetorical question.

"Eat shit," she retorts with a deadpan expression before walking on ahead. I chuckle and continue after her. "Besides, I'm not the one who's jealous here."

I stop dead in my tracks. "'Scuse me?"

"Don't play stupid. You heard every word I just said." I give her a blank stare and pretend that I didn't hear her right. She walks backward so that she's facing me. "I know you like Anna."

I cock a brow. "How? I never even told you."

"How? Well, I'm a genius, of course," Elsa gloats. "That, and you're not exactly Mr. Nonchalant, either." I give her a deliberate eye roll. "Love you, too~."

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><p><strong>(AN: See? Told you that I would have Elsa show up this chapter. By the way, if she seems OOC...it's an AU T.T that, and I thought it would be nice for her to have a playful, taunting demeanor. Someone has to tease Kristoff lovingly, because the teasing Hans does isn't always out of love.**

**Sorry if these seem short at all. I'll work on the next one tonight as well. I'll try to update once or twice a day, or maybe every other day. Depends on my college schedule –sigh-**

**Anyways. Later! :D)**


	5. TMI

**(A/N: I hate to say it, but... Hans has now become my favorite Frozen character. Sure, I insult him in just about every chapter and flat out hated his ass for a full year, but...dammit, he's hot, manipulative in one of the most brilliant ways I've seen a Disney antagonist be, and he could've been a lovable dork like Anna [and probably is, villainous persona aside]! And DIDN'T ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE ASSUME HE'D BE THE CHOSEN ONE FOR ANNA?**

**But then I forgot that I'd seen Kristoff with Anna in the trailers more than anybody else...**

**Anyways, who wants to see Kristoff and Hans fight to the death?! :D**

**...Well, I do...)**

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><p>Jealous? Of Hans? Sure, only because he's dating Anna.<p>

Well, to be completely honest, I envy him for his looks, too. I mean, it's not that I deem myself as a hideous beast or anything, but I know that I don't even come close to him in comparison. Nobody has ever stopped, stared at me, and said, "Y'know what? You should model."

Ever.

Speak of the conniving little bastard, I see him hanging out in the hallway. The thing that shouldn't shock me, but does, is seeing him with another girl. He's got her leaning against the wall while his finger is under her chin. By doing this, he gets her to look up into his eyes, and whatever space was between them is now gone. I'm about to run and go tell Elsa (because Anna wouldn't believe me if she didn't even believe her own flesh and blood), when Hans suddenly pulls away as soon as he drew near.

"What's wrong?" The girls asks.

He gives her a look that can only be described as a mixture of pity and guilt. Her eyes widen as if she's seen this expression before. She desperately grips onto his shirt.

"What is it, Hans? Is there someone else?" When he doesn't reply, she slowly lets go and hardens her stare into a glare. "There is, isn't there?"

"It's not you," he insists falsely. "It's me. I can't do this...not with you."

"Why NOT with me?!" She cries. "You've done it so many times before!"

My eyes widen. What exactly _have_ they done together? Ugh, do I even wanna know those kind of details? No. I should leave.

Yet I make no attempt in moving.

"I know," he finally responds. "And it's been great. Honestly, it has." Okay, gross. "But I'm getting too attached."

"To her or me?"

Hans nods his head in the direction of Anna and Elsa's dorm. Wait, who is he talking about? Can't be Anna, right? Everyone knows how badly he wants her sister (again, except Anna herself).

"You're a fucking man whore!" The woman yells and shoves him off of her before leaving.

After seeing her full profile as she walks away, I suddenly realize that the woman happens to be one of both me and Hans' professors. Holy shit. How long has he had a thing with her? Can it even be called a "thing"? Nah, I'm sure she was just another one of his obsessive, overly attached one night stands.

Wait. She's a grown woman after a student. Why am I taking this so lightly? Shit! Someone's gotta tell Anna! No, no, she won't believe me. I'll have to tell Elsa, then maybe she'll come back to Anna with it. Yeah, it'll work out better that way.

"Kristoff?"

My attention snaps towards the voice behind me. I whirl around to see Anna standing there. She's looking up at me with such genuine innocence and confusion that it kills me. Even if I wanted to tell her, I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't ever want to see her cry.

"Uh, hey, Anna," I finally answer. "H-how's it going?"

"It's...fine." She tilts her head slightly. "Is something wrong?"

_"__What's wrong?"_

Why did that woman's words have to ring in my head _now_?

"What? Uh, nothing! I'm just taking a stroll through the hall. Why? What were you up to?"

Her expression starts to settle and relax. "Not much. Well, that's a lie." She pauses and lets out a soft giggle. "I was going to see if Hans wanted to go out to lunch with Elsa and me." Oh, great. "Oh! If you want, you're welcome to join us."

I'd rather-wait, what? Did Anna just invite me to do something with her? Well, not really do _anything_, but go somewhere? "Yeah!" Chill out, man. "I mean, sure. Sounds like fun. What time were you planning to go?"

"Now, actually."

My eyes widen as I momentarily poke my head around the corner. Hans is no longer in sight. Thank goodness.

"Okay. Let me go get ready."

She smiles and waves as I head off towards my dorm. I use my key to unlock the door and then call out to see if _he's_ around. As luck wouldn't have it, he is.

"Hey, man. What's up?"

Should I tell him what Anna offered, or what I saw?

Option two it is.

"Not much," I lie at first. "Just saw you making out with Ms. Hamada."

His eyes narrow. "I thought I'd smelled a jackass."

I scoff and step closer to him as he starts admiring himself in the mirror. "Oh, but contraire, Hans. If anyone deserves a Grammy in jackassery, it definitely goes to you."

He has the nerve to laugh at my well thought up comeback. "Jackassery isn't even a word. And you say I'm the _moron_."

Dammit.

"Fuck it, then. Douchebagery."

Hans cringes. "Ooh... So close."

Whatever. I'm not going to waste nonexistent words on his arrogant ass. However, a brand-new inquiry comes to mind that I haven't been able to forget since I met him.

"Hey, Hans?"

"Yes?"

I tilt my head, mocking Anna's earlier actions as I steadily examine him. "Do you ever kiss your own reflection?"

He finally turns his attention to me. There's a small laugh hinted in his tone. "I'm sorry?"

"Well, y'know, I figure you spend so much of your spare time focusing on..." I gesture to his mirrored twin. "...Him...That you might've done so by now."

The small laugh he gave off before now becomes an outburst. It sounds ridiculous, and even makes me want to join in, but it's actually the first time he's ever thought something I said was genuinely funny (without him just being a dick about it). In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him laugh this hard or loud before.

"Bjorgman? That might've been the funniest shit I've heard since the day I was born."

Before I can thank him for the compliment, even though I didn't mean for it to be a joke, there's a knock at the door. Hans continues to chuckle here and there as he walks over to open it. Once it does, we're both greeted to two lovely sights: Anna and Elsa, dressed in rather sexy, but also royal-looking, gowns. Is _this_ what girls wear on double dates?

Wait. If Anna's going as Hans' date, then that means...

"NO!"

Both the sisters and my roommate look back at me with either concern or irritation. Can they blame me? It JUST clicked in my head that Elsa and I would inevitably be paired together throughout the evening!

"Kristoff, what's-"

"HELL no!" I cut the younger sibling off. "Anna, I don't mean any disrespect, but is this a double date?!"

She and her sister exchange glances. Elsa then decides to turn on me.

"No. But even it if was, I sure as hell wouldn't want to have _you_ be the one I'm paired with." Her icy blue eyes are burning with anger.

"Whoa, Elsa, wait-"

"Hang on!" I yell, interrupting Anna once again. "Who the hell are YOU to complain about who you are and aren't paired with, Little Miss _Single_!?"

She literally _growls_ before spitting back with, "Aren't you one to talk! At least I'm not jealous over someone _else's_ relationship!"

Hans takes this as a perfect opportunity. "Look. We can all sort this out on the way. I-in fact, it doesn't even have to be a double date. Anna and I are dating, yes, but that doesn't mean you two have to pretend to be an item for our benefit. Simply going as friends is enough to make us happy."

When I look over at him, I am shocked to see him smiling back. I can't tell if it's just for show or for real. Either way, he just saved my ass; Elsa had nearly put me on the spot, meaning I would've inevitably had to explain things to Anna.

"Fair enough," my traitorous best friend finally agrees before shooting me one last glare. "Can you drink to that as well, Kristoff?"

She only ever uses my first name out of anger or making a point. It never ceases to fail in pissing me off. Still, I'll go through with it for now. "Yeah, I will."

This, of course, leads the whole drive there to be painfully silent as hell.

* * *

><p>Between dinner and the party comes the movies, something that neither Elsa nor I ever consented to. Anna never mentioned this bit to me; hell, I wouldn't have either, if I were her. Late-night movies are things that mostly either friends or couples go in on—alone. It's never together. If it is, then it's an <em>actual<em> double date, not one pair of each.

Not that it makes much of a difference at this point. Elsa is obviously still peeved about earlier. It's evident in the way she's leaning back in her chair, feet placed on the head of the person's seat in front of her. Also: her lips are pursed in a pout, her brows are furrowed, and she has her arms crossed over her chest. If her frustration wasn't so surreal, I'd be laughing my ass off (and it would only piss her off even more).

I make the unfortunate mistake in looking on the other side of me and checking on the others. Anna is practically in Hans' lap, making out with him like they're the only two in the theater. Hands are roaming; from the hair...to the face...even to places I wish they weren't.

I'm mainly referring to Hans. Jesus. For someone who claims he doesn't really love her, he sure as hell sucks face with her like he does.

I can't entirely blame them. We're watching _Fifty Shades of Grey_, after all.

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: I know, kind of a weird note to end a chapter on, huh? Oh, well, I was listening to a cover song of that movie's version of Beyoncé's Crazy in Love. Didn't help that I saw a fan made Frozen trailer for that movie—****_with_**** Anna and Hans.**

**Anyways, I'm sure, to some of you, it may seems like I'm somehow forcing Kristoff and Elsa together, but...I'm really not. Heh. That's all I can say to defend myself at this point.**

**Just know that if I do at some point seem like I'm going against my stated rules, it's honestly just a loving, joking, ironic stab at them. :D**

**I'm sure you're all waiting on Hans to make his [failed] moves on Elsa; and for Kristoff to take Hans' girl.**

**In due time, my lovelies. In due time...**

**Well, this is all I've got for the night. I do believe this is the longest chapter I've done here so far. This is the first one I did without prior planning. Hope you guys still enjoyed it, though.**

**Oh, by the way, Ms. Hamada was a reference to Aunt Cass from Big Hero 6. Even weirder, right?**

**Bye for now!)**


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